Rayne, a stunning woman who appeared much younger than her age, waited nervously at a downtown restaurant. She and Dillon used to meet there occasionally a very long time ago. She looked at her phone, checking for texts from him or perhaps her sister, Hope, who had run into Dillon unexpectedly the day before. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m married. Very unhappily, but married nonetheless. I don’t even know what his situation is. I know he was married. Is he with someone? Maybe he doesn’t look good anymore. Stupid! Hope said he looked amazing. Do I look ok? Fuck!
Dillon, a man who had obviously lived a hard life but whose face carried a troubled past with handsome character, had entered the main entrance of the spot where he was supposed to meet his old friend.
He was greeted by a younger, perky hostess who offered politely, “Welcome! Just one for lunch or will someone be joining you?”
Dillon looked past the girl, but politely responded as he passed, “No, I’m just going to the bar, thank you.”
He walked through the main seating area, which was mainly empty as it was before prime lunch seating. Why am I so fucking nervous? We’ve seen each other naked hundreds of times. I was her first. Fuck, I’ve killed people, yet I’m afraid of her. Fuck!
Although she thought she was prepared, she must have been distracted while responding to her sister’s text because she jumped when she felt a hand on her back. “Ohh!”
“I’m sorry, sweetness. Shit! I didn’t mean to scare you.” He stepped back and assured her he was there with no ill intent. He smiled shyly and asked, “Is this seat taken?”
“Dillon! Fuck, I’m sorry. I mean, shit!” she stammered. She pushed her stool back and stood up as she had planned. “Wow, you look great!” Their hands naturally met and intertwined. “You don’t look any different.”
“Bullshit!” He tilted his head and tried to conceal a scar or two on his worn face. “You…you look amazing. Have you grown a day older? Give us a hug.”
They embraced tightly in a full-body hug. Rayne thought, Wow. This is incredible! It’s like no time has passed. He feels amazing!
They separated and looked at each other for a moment as if both wanted to kiss. Dillon put his hand on the back of her stool and directed her back to her seat. Holy shit! She feels exactly the same. It can’t have been that many years. Wow! He took the seat next to her and instantly turned to face her. “It’s so good to see you! I was so shocked to see your sister and your mom yesterday.”
“You saw my mom? Hope didn’t mention that. Who am I kidding? She may have told me. I probably shut my brain off when I heard your name.” Shit! Did I just say that?
“I must admit, I was the same way. It caught me totally by surprise. Actually, truth be told, it scared me,” he admitted shyly.
She chuckled, “Scared you? Why?”
The gentleman bartender approached. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you sit down. Can I get you something to drink?”
Dillon turned to Rayne a bit surprised. “Red wine for you in the afternoon?”
“I know. I don’t drink much. Well, didn’t used to, but I needed something to calm my nerves. I hope you don’t mind,” she explained.
“No, I understand. I would join you, but I have a dinner meeting tonight and need to be sharp.” He turned to the bartender and said, “I’ll have an iced tea. Regular, not Long Island, please.”
“Gotcha. Coming right up. Ma’am, another?”
“No, thanks. I’m good for now. I have to drive home,” she chuckled.
“I can always take you home if you get a little nuts,” Dillon laughed. “So what increased your consumption?”
“Life,” she scoffed. “Weren’t you explaining why you were scared when you ran into Hope and my mother?”
“Nice deflection, Rayne. I see that hasn’t changed with time.”
“Not for you, either. Why won’t you just answer me?” she pushed verbally with a tilted head.
“I guess I was afraid maybe you would have been there, too, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that,” Dillon defended himself.
“So, it’s ok for you to see my sister and my mother, but not me? What’s the difference?” Rayne pushed harder and grasped his arm.
The bartender could sense the tension and just dropped off the iced tea as Dillon waved him off.
“The difference is, I wasn’t sleeping with them.”
“Oh, just because we had sex for several years and then you left, that makes you afraid to see me?”
“Jesus, Rayne! Do you want the fucking truth?” He pulled away.
“Yes. I think I deserve it,” she snapped back at him.
“Maybe you should have another glass of wine. What the fuck?” Dillon returned in defense.
“Maybe I should. What the fuck do you care?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dillon asked, confused.
“It means you fucking left and obviously don’t give a fucking shit about me.” She stood facing him.
“Maybe, Rayne, it’s the exact opposite. Maybe I didn’t mind seeing them because I don’t have the feelings for them I do for you.” He shook his head in frustration. “I don’t love them.” Fuck!
“Love?” Rayne asked in shock. “You sure have a funny way of showing it.” She shook her head and slid back into her stool.
“Look, maybe this was a bad idea.” He took a sip of his tea. “I should just go.” He reached into his pocket for his money.
She swept her hand across the bar and stopped his arm. “No, don’t leave. I’m sorry. Please, don’t go!”
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” Dillon faced her and turned her stool to face him. “Hold on. Sit here for a second.” He stood up and walked to the hostess station.
The young hostess looked at him, puzzled. “Is everything ok?”
“Yes. Do me a favor and point at that woman at the bar and tell me something.”
The confused girl did as she was told and accepted the folded bill that he placed into her hand.
“Thanks, hon.” He walked back to the bar and approached an equally confused Rayne. “Hey, Rayne! How are you? Thanks for meeting me. Is this seat taken?” He sat down and winked at her. “Can we start over?”
A look of understanding ran across Rayne’s face. “Yes, of course we can. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Sorry for what? I’m the one who’s late.” Dillon took a sip of the tea in front of him. “That’s so nice of you to remember I like iced tea.”
Rayne shook her head and smiled. “You’re still crazy, aren’t you?”
“As a loon.” He took some peanuts from a bowl on the bar and tossed them into his mouth. “I know. I shouldn’t eat stuff from a bar. Trust me, you can’t kill me with that.”
Rayne grabbed his hand and looked at him with earnest eyes. “What are you doing here and why now?”
Dillon appeared to not understand. “I’m here because I ran into.…”
“No. I know that. I mean, what are you doing back here at this point in your life? You haven’t been back for a long time. At least, not that I know of.” Her face grew serious and focused. “I just don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. I’m confused. Hope told me she thought you might like to see me, so here we are.”
“She didn’t tell you anything else? Nothing about my situation?” Rayne seemed skeptical.
“No, sweetheart.” He clutched her hand. “I told her I didn’t want to know anything. I told her that I would very much like to see you and she set it up.” He shook his head while staring into her eyes, brimming with tears. “Your business is your business, of course. I care, but it’s for you to decide what you’ll share with me. It’s been a long fucking time.”
She sighed with relief. “Thank you. I’m glad she didn’t say anything, but I knew you wouldn’t judge me anyway.”
“Why would I?” He scoffed and shook his head. “You’re so beautiful! I wish you understood how much I care about you. I would never feel poorly about you. I couldn’t.” His phone vibrated on the bar.
“Oh!” Rayne jumped. “Scared me! Do you need to get that?”
He looked at it casually and discounted it. “No. It’s just one of the guys I’m meeting with tonight.”
“Do you need to go, or call him? I don’t want to keep you from something.” She seemed genuine. “I don’t want you to leave, but I understand.”
“No, I’m not going anywhere. Seeing you now is more important than anything with those people.” Dillon calmed her. “Can I assume you’re getting the fish samich, like always?”
Rayne openly laughed. “You still say it!” She grabbed his arm.
Puzzled, Dillon asked, “Say what?”
“You left so long ago and you still say ‘samich’.” She laughed harder.
He shook his head and scrunched his face. “So what? I grew up here. I’m getting a hot Italian, too. Is that a fucking crime?”
She giggled and grabbed his other hand, then her tone grew more serious. “You used to have a hot Italian all of the time. She was yours.”
“Yeah, I know. And I fucked it up,” he responded in a similar tone.
“You said it, not me.”
“Let’s order.” He signaled to the bartender and then looked back into her staring eyes. “What?”
“Nothing.” Rayne stood up. “Order for me, please. I have to powder my nose.” She snuck a kiss on his scruffy cheek, took a deep whiff of his scent and then headed toward the bathroom. “Hey, should we order that baked chocolate chip cookie dessert now?”
He smiled. “Great minds think alike.” He watched her walk through the quickly filling restaurant. She even smells the same. I’ve really missed that. I’m such an asshole.
Rayne returned to the bar. The conversation flowed effortlessly through lunch. They shared casual grabs at one another and soft touches that made them look like a couple that had been together forever. Dillon ignored the random texts he got and she tried to resist the obvious addiction she had to her smartwatch.
They discussed the basics; she had progressed through the fashion industry and other small family ventures while staying close to home. Dillon had spent some time in the financial industry in Chicago, but had transitioned into the metals business which had brought him back on this trip. He was basically retired, but needed to tie up some loose ends.
The couple did a great job avoiding their shared water under the bridge, as well as the past they had with others. This was easy for them since they shared a love for conflict avoidance. One thing was evident by the time they worked through the delicious chocolate treat they had discovered together years before: They both had deep feelings that may have been dormant, but were brought to the forefront through this meeting.
Hours passed. The lunch crowd dispersed and was quickly replaced by a happy hour crowd. Rayne grabbed his wrist and checked the time on his Rolex. “Oh shit! What happened to the time? You said you have a dinner meeting. I’m sorry.”
He held her hands. “It’s ok. I’ll be fine. It’s not a formal thing. I’ve known these guys, the family, for years. Believe me, I’d much rather stay with you.”
Rayne looked at him with sullen and questioning eyes. “You know, this was really fun. I hope this doesn’t have to be the last time we see each other.”
Dillon was quick to reply, “Not a fucking chance! There’s no way I’m leaving here without some sort of guarantee from you that I’ll see you again.”
She sighed and leaned her head into his shoulder. “Thank God! I was worried this was a one-time shot.”
Dillon lifted her chin. “Rayne, honey. Our timing sucks, as always, but we don’t have to ‘be together’ to be together. I just want to see you and spend time with you. It’s wonderful touching you and I so desperately want to have you, but I also know….”
“Stop! I don’t want to talk about it. We spent all this time today and didn’t talk about it. I don’t want to ruin it now.” She looked at him, grabbed his hands and shook her head. “We’ll work it out. This is what I want.”
His phone vibrated on the bar again. “Fuck! I do need to get ready. Are you going to be okay getting home?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine. I stopped drinking hours ago. Are you going to be ok? You seem concerned about this meeting. Or you don’t. I can never tell with you.”
“I’m fine. It’s nothing. Just tying up loose ends from a long time ago.” He shrugged it off. “How far do you have to go?”
“That depends.”
“Depends on what?” He looked puzzled.
“On where I want to sleep tonight.” She looked up at him with a curious glint. “Where are you sleeping tonight?”
“I’m just staying downtown. I mean, I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends and family around here, but I always get a hotel just so I have some space to myself,” he nervously explained. “Wouldn’t you be sleeping at your house?”
“Well, like you, I like having some space that’s my own.” She turned away and fell back into the safety of checking her smartwatch. “You need to go. We need to go.” Rayne started toward the door.
“Wait. I’m waiting for him to come back with my card.” Dillon grabbed for her arm, but missed.
She was determined and didn’t even turn as she passed through the restaurant and out the front door.
“Rayne, what the fuck?” Dillon caught her on the sidewalk. “Did I say something? I don’t understand.”
She turned to him with tear-filled eyes. “No, Dillon. You didn’t say anything. Maybe this was just a bad idea. I don’t know. You do know I’m married, right?”
“Rayne, I don’t know.…”
“Right, Dillon. You don’t know shit and you didn’t ask. It’s just like it used to be. You don’t ask because you don’t want to get hurt, but there will come a time when you need to spill your guts and tell me what you feel about me. Then I’ll have to sit and listen to it. Fuck.” She slapped his arm.
“Rayne, we’re obviously still very good at avoiding conflict. Neither one of us brought up anything about our lives. You’re right. I don’t want to know because I want you to be single and available for me and only me, but I’m a fucking idiot and an asshole.” He turned in frustration.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Give me a break, Rayne. You think I don’t know you’re married? Sure, you don’t have your ring on, but you clearly wear one. I didn’t say anything because I haven’t seen you for a long fucking time and didn’t want to fuck anything up. I wanted to enjoy any time that I could get with you.” He walked toward her. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how I feel about you. Please! Everyone knows. Fuck, the bartender knows!” His phone rang. He looked at it and answered. “Yeah, hold on.” He turned to her. “Look, now I do have to go and you have to go do whatever it is that you do. You have my number. Depending on how tonight goes, I may be leaving tomorrow.” He put the phone back to his ear. “What’s up, Tony?”
She kissed him on the cheek and mouthed, “I’ll call you.”
He was openly aggravated when he nodded and turned to walk back into the restaurant. “Tony, I know where we’re meeting. The usual place. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’ll see you then. Bye.” Fuck! I can’t fucking believe this. A great day ruined in 5 minutes. Typical! He got back to the bar to collect his credit card and settle up. “Hey, give me a quick Tito’s rocks. Thanks.”
Dillon made quick work of the drink, left a fifty on the bar and walked to the parking garage where he’d left his car that morning. How did I fuck this up? God, she looked good. I’m such and idiot! His phone rang. “Hope? What’s up? Is everything ok?”
“You tell me, asshole. What the fuck happened?” Hope screamed into the phone.
“I have no fucking clue. Did you talk to her, obviously?” Dillon questioned.
“Yes, asshole. She’s balling her eyes out! I’m sure you didn’t do anything. I’m sure it’s her. You must have been having a good time since you were together all day. What the fuck?”
“Hope, I don’t know. Everything was great, just like old times. Then she looked at that fucking smartwatch again and she was off to the races.” He got in his car. “I don’t want it to end this way. I’ve got some shit to deal with, but I’m not chasing her.”
“I almost forgot. You have your meeting with the family tonight, don’t you?”
“How the fuck do you know?” He was very surprised.
“Come on, Dillon. You think I don’t know what you do? Who you are? It doesn’t bother me.”
“Wait…does Rayne know?” Dillon asked urgently.
“She doesn’t know shit. I know because I want to know. She has nothing to do with family business.”
“Who else knows? Nevermind. It’s not important. I need to go. If you talk to her, tell her I would like to see her, please.”
“Dillon, trust me. I want you two together. That’s why I pushed this. I’m sure I’ll talk to her. Enjoy your dinner. Say hi to the guys for me.”
